Attraction & Romance

Jared and Andrea on a date at Eden.

It’s well known that, at present, The Sims 4 has no real attraction system, so it’s something that is either modded in, or largely imagined.
I do a little of both. I have mods to enhance my sims romantic endeavors and it produces some great gameplay!

Mods I Use
Photo Albums
Gameplay: Creating An Attraction System
Getting Married

Fabian & Rex at the Up The Amp Music Festival

*Mods I Use*

  • WickedWhims / WonderfulWhims ~ The attraction system in WickedWhims is brilliant and very customisable. If you’re not keen on the NSFW aspect of WickedWhims, then WonderfulWhims uses the same attraction system. This helpsu define what type of Sim your Sim is attracted to from body shape, to hair colour and eye colour.
  • Passionate Romance, Romance Skygaze and Romantice Slow Dance ~ All three put together are very lovely and add a good number of new, effective, romantic options for your couples. I use the Manual Romantic Selfie option for the albums I put together for my sims (more information below).
  • Chemistry System ~ I use this alongside the attraction system from WickedWhims to really make my sims love lives more complicated! You can add and remove preferences for each sim and this will have an impact on their interactions. Also very handy for friendly relationships.
  • First Impressions ~ Not just a romantic one but it fits in here beautifully. This mod by Lumpinou adds brand new sentiments to your Sims when they meet someone for the first time. Some sims will develop an instant crush on another Sim, so it adds an extra layer to their social, and romantic, interactions.
  • Road To Romance ~ Alongside the others, this mod has added a lot to my romance system in game. With an actual Romance skill, not all romantic endeavors will be successful and things might not always work out. I’ve found this to be a wonderful addition to the romantic mods.
  • No Strings Attached ~ I’ve only just installed this one but I can envision Rebecca making good use of this! Ideal for ‘friends with benefits’ relationships.
  • Realistic Pregnancy Overhaul ~ Again, only just installed this but I think it’s going to fit in very nicely!
  • Romantic Wishes ~ This lovely little gem allows your Sims to express romantic wishes to their significant others. Now, they can celebrate anniversaries and other holidays and express that with a loved one.
  • Improved Romantic Animations ~ This is a lovely little mod to make the animations for romantic interactions a lot better.
  • Longer Makeout Sessions And Intimacies ~ As it says, it lengthens the time of certain romantic interactions so they last longer.
  • Leap Into Arms & Carry Lovingly ~ Reintroduces the leap into arms interaction from Sims 3.
  • Unused Romantic Interactions ~ Adds in a few romantic interactions that were in the game coding but never used.
  • The Hopes & Fears Mod ~ Not strictly for romance but for all relationships as well as other aspects of a Sim’s life. With this, the Sims will put in wants to get into relationships, get engaged, get married etc, without you always having to force it.
  • The Personality Mod ~ This one is my own mod which includes new whims. When given one of these personalities, it gives a new set of whims which can be ideal for relationships.
Richard and Tina at Foxbury Fountain.

*Photo Albums*
I started creating photo albums because I take a LOT of screenshots in my game of big events, like engagements, weddings, honeymoons etc. I don’t actually use poses in my game very often but for the photo albums, I use a mixture of the Manual Romantic Selfie poses from Passionate Romance and some of the ‘Teasing’ options, fully clothed, from animation packs for WickedWhims. Put together, these can make for some lovely albums. Examples:

For more photo albums from my game, have a look over here.

Elliott and Danielle on a date at MUSE.

*Gameplay: Creating An Attraction System*
I’ve spent months developing a system for a detailed attraction system within my game and I’ve finally found a system I like. A lot of it is in fact in the gameplay but the calculations are done outside the game. Many aspects of this system are inspired by Sims 2.

The system is based on 4 main factors: Personality, Lifestyle, Physical Attraction, Chemistry. I also calculate for First Impressions, where applicable, as well as any other Sentiments. Since First Impressions and sentiments in general come and go, these values will fluctuate and are therefore why I don’t count them for the base attraction score.

This is calculated using the traits from The Personality Mod. Sims with the same aspiration have a +35 attraction score for that category. Otherwise they are determined:

35Romance-Pleasure, Family-Knowledge
17.5Fortune-Popularity, Fortune-Family, Popularity-Pleasure
0Romance-Fortune, Romance-Popularity, Fortune-Knowledge
−17.5Romance-Knowledge, Fortune-Pleasure, Popularity-Family, Popularity-Knowledge, Family-Pleasure
−35Romance-Family, Knowledge-Pleasure

I award a score if the two Sims have compatible Lifestyles (from Snowy Escape). Sims with the same Lifestyle get an automatic score of 35. To avoid clutter, any pairings not listed here have a score of 0. Additionally, a Sim will gain a score of 35 if they’re Hungry For Love but -35 if they’re Single And Lovin’ It.

ScoreZodiac Sign
35Adrenaline Seeker – Energetic
17.5Coffee Fanatic – Energetic
−17.5Close Knit – People Person; Coffee Fanatic – Sedentary; Adrenaline Seeker – Indoorsy
−35Adrenaline Seeker – Sedentary; Frequent Traveler – Workaholic; Health Food Nut – Junk Food Fiend; Indoorsy – Outdoorsy, Techie – Technophobe

Physical Attraction
This is based on the physical attraction towards the other Sim, courtesy of WickedWhims. Basic Looking provides a score of 0.

ScorePhysical Attraction
+35Extremely Attractive
+17.5Very Attractive
-17.5Very Unattractive
-35Extremely Unattractive

The Chemistry Mod provides each pair of Sims with a chemistry rating. Not just for romantic relationships, this score denotes how conversations are likely to go, thus is important for long-term relationships.

+35Wonderful Chemistry
+17.5Good Chemistry
0Okay Chemistry
-17.5Bad Chemistry
-35Terrible Chemistry

First Impressions
I also give a small score based on First Impressions. This doesn’t factor into the overall attraction forever; only until the effect of the sentiment wears off. So I give +5 for a positive first impression and -5 for a negative first impression.


Sentiments come and go throughout gameplay but I like to factor them into attractions where applicable. This table is subject to change as new sentiments are added to the game in updates and future packs.

+35Deeply Connected, Deeply In Love, No Mountain High Enough for This Love, Deeply Enamored in a Winter Wonderland, Comfortably Compatible Lifestyles
+17.5Adoring, Opposites Attracted, First Kiss At Festival of Light, Smitten, Enchanted from a Moment in the Mountains
-17.5Betrayed, Awkward after a Bad Date, Hurt
-35Furious about Cheating, Deeply Wounded

Final Calculation

I then use the following table to calculate the bolts:

−25 or less−1 bolt ❌
−24 to 00 bolts
1 to 341 bolt ⚡
35 – 892 bolts ⚡⚡
90 or greater3 bolts ⚡⚡⚡

This should give me a more accurate guide to the bolt system. Below, I use an example from some of my Foxbury students. Keith has a romance bar with two girls and has briefly dated both.

Keith Edwards & Nicola Sparks
Keith is a Pleasure Sim. Nicola is a Knowledge Sim. -35
Keith has the Close Knit Lifestyle. Nicola has the Single & Lovin’ It Lifestyle. -35
Keith thinks Nicola is Very Unattractive. -17.5
Keith has Okay Chemistry with Nicola. 0
Keith has the Opposites Attracted Sentiment with Nicola. +17.5
= -70 = ❌

Keith Edwards & Kathleen Brennan
Keith is a Pleasure Sim. Kathleen is a Knowledge Sim. -35
Keith has the Close Knit Lifestyle. Kathleen also has the Close Knit Lifestyle. +35
Keith thinks Kathleen is Extremely Attractive. +35
Keith has Wonderful Chemistry with Kathleen. +35
= 105 =⚡⚡⚡

Rebecca and Kaiden out on a dinner date.

Depending on the Sim, I like to try and vary the dates my Sims go on, when I can. So the next section will feature some ideas and suggestions for what you can do to make your Sim’s dates interesting!

  • ✨Dinner Date✨ ~ An oldie but a goodie. A quiet dinner date for two can be perfect for a first date between two sims who’d like to get to know each other.
    It’s also wonderful for a couple who just want a night out, for a meal they haven’t had to cook!
  • Coffee Date ✨ ~ Maybe dinner’s a little soon. What about a cup of coffee with that fascinating and gorgeous new Sim you just met?
  • Romantic Movie✨ ~ What about going to the local cinema to see a movie together? Perfect opportunity to get to know another Sim by monitoring their movie preferences!
  • Bowling ✨ ~ Perhaps a casual date? Bowling could be the answer. Gerald and Daisy enjoyed bowling for their first anniversary!
  • Awards Ceremony✨ ~ Ever thought of inviting a date to the Starlight Accolades? The ceremony fell on Gerald and Daisy’s actual anniversary (they went bowling the next day), so Gerald took Daisy to the event and they made a date out of it!
  • Dirty Weekend✨ ~ Perhaps your couple have been together a while. Why not go away for a weekend together? A romantic mountain getaway could be just what they need! Or maybe a quiet weekend in Granite Falls with nobody but the crickets to hear you?
  • The Festival✨ ~ What about going to a local festival with your date? You could even go out for a double date with another couple you know!
  • Out For A Drink✨ ~ Maybe your sims prefer something a little less formal? What about a drinks date at a local pub or wine bar? Perhaps your sims will relax a little more in more casual surroundings!
  • Charity Benefit✨ ~ What about taking a date to a charity benefit? Due to Andrea’s excellent reputation, she gets invited to charity benefits and can even host them herself. Jared is often her date to these events and makes for a nice night out!
  • A Night In✨ ~ Perhaps a quiet night in is all that’s really needed? Why not invite your sim’s date over to the house/flat and watch a movie together? Chat and mess around on the sofa?
  • Beach Date✨ ~ During the summer, a beach date could be ideal for a couple in love. Javon and Isabella love heading to Sulani for a romantic day at the beach!
  • The Romance Festival✨ ~ I mentioned festivals earlier but the Romance Festival deserves a special mention. Why not take your sim and their significant other to the Romance Festival for the night? Maybe an impromptu wedding is in the future…
  • The Bluffs✨ ~ Both nature lovers? Then what about a date to the Bluffs? Especially at night, it’s very quiet and has remarkable views over the bay.
  • Karaoke Night✨ ~ What about a fun evening singing karaoke? There’s always a chance at winning if your sims take part in the karaoke competitions!
  • Music Festival✨ ~ What about inviting your date to a music festival to sing and dance the night away?
  • Museum/Art Gallery✨ ~ Maybe one of your Sims loves art and history. Why not take a date out to a museum or gallery? Even the Von Haunt Estate provides some beautiful scenery and old portraits to satisfy the artistic soul.
  • ✨Nightclub✨ Nothing will get the mood going like a date night at a local nightclub. Dancing with a loved one is a great way to spend some time together in an ideal atmosphere.
Ethan and Hollie during their divorce.

In my early simming days, my Sims would get together as teenagers and stay that way. They’d get married, have children and grow old. No dating, no drama and no break ups. I play very differently now, and not all my sims who get together, stay together. There’s quite a bit of diversity in the relationship dynamics between my Sims.

I have certain rules for when a breakup occurs:

  • 💔A Want💔~ I actually only had this occur once, when Rebecca was at University. She put in a whim to break up with Gerald after returning from a suspension, so I ran with it.
  • 💔Caught Cheating💔~ this actually also depends heavily on the other sim’s traits. If they have the Jealous trait, instant breakup. Other factors, such as chemistry and romantic relationship score, come into play here but mostly, they split. An example of this is Rebecca, Gerald and Jack. Gerald invited Jack out to Creek Street and Becks happened to be there. She flirted with Gerald in front of Jack and Jack got angry. So I nudged him to break up with her.
  • 💔Celebrity💔~ Why does this affect breakups, I hear you ask? It’s not as random as you think. In my mind, these guys are constantly in the spotlight (Hayley really is!) and their every movement is documented by the press, so their relationships are too! I made a point of mentioning this in the Hayley/Raúl/Jack/Ryan saga. With Hayley in the spotlight, she is photographed a lot when she’s out and about. When she was dating Jack, she got photographed at the Romance Festival with Raúl! A little tip here: Hayley gets followed ALL THE TIME by the press, which is pretty realistic. This is actually courtesy of the Road To Fame mod. She’s got a higher celebrity status within that mod, so she’s followed a LOT. Since Hayley was photographed, I envisioned it made the headlines. Jack was inevitably going to find out, so I invented that particular scenario, since there was no way he would have done in game. Since Jack’s also in the public eye, he broke up with Hayley. This scenario will work even better with Kiara’s Celebrity System mod since there will be more consequences for celebrities cheating in public.
  • 💔Traits💔~ If sims have traits such as Non-Committal (looking at you, Jack!) then I feel they’d be looking for excuses to break it off. So the first indication that things have gone wrong (autonomous argument, cheating etc) and they’re off.
  • 💔Children💔 ~ Thanks to the Woohoo Wellness mod, Sims can have differing feelings about a pregnancy. If a couple are together and find they’re having a baby, sometimes one half of the couple might be thrilled but their partner is not. This can lead to breakups in real life so now it’s a fifth reason why I might have a couple separate.

I also have some secondary, supporting reasons, for why a relationship might end.

  • 💔Attraction💔 ~ This particularly applies in Cheating scenarios but could also apply to some of the others. If the attraction was never all that strong to begin with, or a Sim is more attracted to their secret lover than their spouse, then I’ll be more likely to split them up.
  • 💔Chemistry💔 ~ Sometimes a couple that are very attracted to each other don’t have very good chemistry. If there are other major factors at play, then I will take the chemistry between the couple into consideration (especially in cheating scenarios). Ethan was an example of this. His chemistry with Hollie was “Good” but it was “Wonderful” with Daisy. Since the “Wonderful Chemistry” isn’t something that I see all that often, I decided it was obvious that Ethan would pick Daisy over Hollie, if push came to shove.
  • 💔Sentiments💔 ~ These largely depends on what is happening between the couple. For example, when Hollie caught Ethan kissing Daisy, she gained the “Enraged By Ethan Kissing Another” sentiment, suggesting the depth of her anger at the situation. If she’d been simply hurt by the betrayal, then I might have kept them together for a time; but as she was furious, I decided it was time to end it.

So the five points (Wants, Cheating, Celebrity, Traits, Child Preferences) are the main ones I use to determine whether Sims will break up but they will often be supported by one of the secondary reasons, so there will rarely be one sole reason for a couple to break up.

Of course, if the breakup involves children or the couple were married, then child support and alimony needs to be taken into account. I discuss that in more detail on the Finances page.

Jared & Andrea De Luca on their Wedding Day

*Getting Married*

If the relationship goes well, then the couple will probably eventually get married. Once the initial proposal has happened, the couple will start planning the wedding! To do this, there will be a string of parties and gatherings to celebrate their upcoming wedding.

  • 💍Engagement Dinner💍 ~ First things first, the engagement dinner will take place. I generally try to limit this to two different types; a small, intimate dinner in a restaurant, or a large family gathering at home. A lot depends on family size and friendship numbers. As a rule of thumb, if the party is likely to be larger than 8 Sims, I’ll have the gathering at home. If it’s a much smaller (i.e. less than 8 Sims) then it’ll be held at a restaurant. An Engagement Dinner can either be done with the My Wedding Stories game pack OR if you don’t have that pack, you can use KawaiiStacie’s Memorable Events mod and host a party from there.
  • 💍Bach Party💍 ~ If so inclined, the couple may want to throw individual Bachelor/Bachelorette parties. Again, this can be done with My Wedding Stories or you can use Brittpinkiesims’ Bachelor/Bachelorette Party mod.
  • 💍Wedding Ceremony💍 ~ The wedding itself! This can take place almost anywhere but popular locations have been the Brindleton Yacht Club and Henford Castle.

Before the actual ceremony though, the couple will spend time planning their wedding. There are a number of things to do before The Big Day arrives.

  • Choose A Venue ~ The first thing to do will be to choose a wedding venue. This will involve the engaged couple travelling to various different lots to Check Out Venue (an interaction from My Wedding Stories). If both Sims like the venue (using my Check Out Wedding Venue Overhaul mod), then that’s where the wedding will take place. This process could take a while if the couple struggle to agree on a venue! The following venues are currently available for weddings:
    💍 Henford Castle
    💍 The Brindleton Yacht Club
    💍 The Von Haunt Estate
    💍 Myshuno Meadows
  • Choose Wedding Outfit ~ This will happen either at the shop in Tartosa or at Petite Fleur Boutique, in San Myshuno.
  • Select Wedding Cake. ~ Depending on the Sims, the couple will either buy a cake for their day, or bake their own. They will probably first head to Tartosa for cake testing purposes!
  • Choose a Bouquet ~ The Sims will head to Tartosa to view their options for the flower arrangements. Alternatively, they may decide to make the arrangements themselves.

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